The Perks of Interracial Marriage

When Roberto and I got married I knew that our relationship wouldn’t be typical, it’s pretty obvious that we have different backgrounds/have different first languages/are different races etc. We have found that being different actually has made us be much more open with communication and talking about differences or misunderstandings between us. Those topics might not normally be discussed if we came from similar backgrounds. Instead of assuming Roberto will understand when I sarcastically or rudely say “I’m fine” I have to explain exactly what is wrong or why I am acting the way I am instead of just blowing him off or being annoyed and assuming that he should already know how I am feeling.

That being said, I think the only time I have ever been annoyed about being different from each other is when strangers are rude to us because we are different. Since we got here people have catcalled things at us on the street. These catcalls are different than the “Hey you so sexy, get in my car,” kind of catcall to women, but more of a  “Hey girl, you look American and the guy with you doesn’t, don’t you know he is probably only with you to get a green card?” except the kinds of things they yell out are “VISA!” or “Soy Dominicano,” referencing that Roberto being Dominican needs a visa.

I don’t know if these guys (they have always been men yelling) know how extremely offensive it is to yell those things at us. I get it, we are different. He is black and I’m white. This concept actually isn’t all that different from the intermixing history of the DR. Roberto’s grandma was black and his grandpa was white and they got married 60 years ago. Roberto already had a green card when he came to the states because his mom is American. Plus, if he really only married me to get a green card, why would we have moved to the Dominican Republic? Anyways, none of that really matters because it still isn’t appropriate.

A few weeks ago Roberto and I went shoe shopping. A man working at the store came over and talked to us about what shoes we were looking for. Roberto and I both only responded in Spanish, mentioning nothing about being American. I sat down and tried on a pair of shoes. The man immediately asked Roberto, in Spanish, if he married me to get a visa and if it worked. I was sitting within 2 feet of them and had already shown him earlier that I spoke Spanish. Even if I didn’t speak Spanish, it is still very uncalled for to ask.

There is a Dominican phrase referring to this phenomenon, although I don’t know how common it really is- “Sanky-Panky,” a noun, referring a Dominican who tries to get in a relationship with a tourist in order to get a visa/green card to the tourist’s country of origin or for the tourist to go back to their country and send money back to them. There is even a Wikipedia page about it:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sanky-panky

Along with the phrase comes a movie called “Sanky Panky” that came out in 2007, a story of three Dominican men who are looking to get with American women for Visas. One of them moves to Punta Cana to work at a tourist resort to meet someone so that he can get a VISA through a relationship.

I’m not sure why it is Sanky-Panky and not Hanky Panky, but I am guessing the birth of the phrase came from someone hearing what it meant in English and then made a spelling error based on how it sounds when spoken in Spanish. Like in the way that I have seen Dugout (as in a baseball dugout) being spelled as Dog-out.

If you walk around the touristy part of Santo Domingo and in Punta Cana you will see prostitutes, mostly with old men (I’m guessing 60’s-80’s) heard speaking German, French, or English with very young Dominican girls. This to me is really disgusting and in my mind, is a form of neo-colonialism.

Last week I saw an article about a Black American Woman who is constantly asked if she is a prostitute while walking with her white husband (link below). Although I realize that our situation is different, I am very tired of people bothering us on the street, thinking as if we are in a relationship because Roberto wanted a visa and I wanted attention or that there must be something fishy going on because we are different colors.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/11/13/im-a-beautiful-black-woman-with-a-white-husband-people-assume-im-a-prostitute-all-the-time/?tid=sm_fb

After all of the Sanky-Panky name calling, it has really stopped bothering me. If anything it just makes me realize that we won’t really ever fit in, no matter where we go. We might as well enjoy it. This is actually really great to realize because everyone is different anyways, and we might as well stop caring about what people say at/to us (or behind our backs) for the rest of forever.