The Perks of Interracial Marriage

When Roberto and I got married I knew that our relationship wouldn’t be typical, it’s pretty obvious that we have different backgrounds/have different first languages/are different races etc. We have found that being different actually has made us be much more open with communication and talking about differences or misunderstandings between us. Those topics might not normally be discussed if we came from similar backgrounds. Instead of assuming Roberto will understand when I sarcastically or rudely say “I’m fine” I have to explain exactly what is wrong or why I am acting the way I am instead of just blowing him off or being annoyed and assuming that he should already know how I am feeling.

That being said, I think the only time I have ever been annoyed about being different from each other is when strangers are rude to us because we are different. Since we got here people have catcalled things at us on the street. These catcalls are different than the “Hey you so sexy, get in my car,” kind of catcall to women, but more of a  “Hey girl, you look American and the guy with you doesn’t, don’t you know he is probably only with you to get a green card?” except the kinds of things they yell out are “VISA!” or “Soy Dominicano,” referencing that Roberto being Dominican needs a visa.

I don’t know if these guys (they have always been men yelling) know how extremely offensive it is to yell those things at us. I get it, we are different. He is black and I’m white. This concept actually isn’t all that different from the intermixing history of the DR. Roberto’s grandma was black and his grandpa was white and they got married 60 years ago. Roberto already had a green card when he came to the states because his mom is American. Plus, if he really only married me to get a green card, why would we have moved to the Dominican Republic? Anyways, none of that really matters because it still isn’t appropriate.

A few weeks ago Roberto and I went shoe shopping. A man working at the store came over and talked to us about what shoes we were looking for. Roberto and I both only responded in Spanish, mentioning nothing about being American. I sat down and tried on a pair of shoes. The man immediately asked Roberto, in Spanish, if he married me to get a visa and if it worked. I was sitting within 2 feet of them and had already shown him earlier that I spoke Spanish. Even if I didn’t speak Spanish, it is still very uncalled for to ask.

There is a Dominican phrase referring to this phenomenon, although I don’t know how common it really is- “Sanky-Panky,” a noun, referring a Dominican who tries to get in a relationship with a tourist in order to get a visa/green card to the tourist’s country of origin or for the tourist to go back to their country and send money back to them. There is even a Wikipedia page about it:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sanky-panky

Along with the phrase comes a movie called “Sanky Panky” that came out in 2007, a story of three Dominican men who are looking to get with American women for Visas. One of them moves to Punta Cana to work at a tourist resort to meet someone so that he can get a VISA through a relationship.

I’m not sure why it is Sanky-Panky and not Hanky Panky, but I am guessing the birth of the phrase came from someone hearing what it meant in English and then made a spelling error based on how it sounds when spoken in Spanish. Like in the way that I have seen Dugout (as in a baseball dugout) being spelled as Dog-out.

If you walk around the touristy part of Santo Domingo and in Punta Cana you will see prostitutes, mostly with old men (I’m guessing 60’s-80’s) heard speaking German, French, or English with very young Dominican girls. This to me is really disgusting and in my mind, is a form of neo-colonialism.

Last week I saw an article about a Black American Woman who is constantly asked if she is a prostitute while walking with her white husband (link below). Although I realize that our situation is different, I am very tired of people bothering us on the street, thinking as if we are in a relationship because Roberto wanted a visa and I wanted attention or that there must be something fishy going on because we are different colors.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/11/13/im-a-beautiful-black-woman-with-a-white-husband-people-assume-im-a-prostitute-all-the-time/?tid=sm_fb

After all of the Sanky-Panky name calling, it has really stopped bothering me. If anything it just makes me realize that we won’t really ever fit in, no matter where we go. We might as well enjoy it. This is actually really great to realize because everyone is different anyways, and we might as well stop caring about what people say at/to us (or behind our backs) for the rest of forever.

Zits- Everyone has something to cover-up.

I’m sure that most people in the world have experienced acne at least one time or another, in adolescence or even into adulthood. The weird thing is that here in the DR, acne is almost non-existent, or at least very rare. Almost everyone has beautiful skin. I don’t know if it is because people here are accustomed to the humidity? Maybe the humidity helps? Maybe there are a lot of natural remedies? Maybe it is genetic? I really have no idea. Their skin is beautiful, what can I say.

One thing I do know is that almost every female I have met feels like they have the right to tell me everything they know about my acne, which at sometimes can be extremely annoying. Surprisingly, I already know I have acne and I have hated it since I was 11. I have used everything from topical creams, prescribed antibiotic pills, everything benzoyl peroxide, aloe vera and other natural plants to try to get rid of it. Most of the time it goes away or gets better, but when I change environments it normally gets worse. When I moved to Philadelphia for college, it went haywire for a bit. Here there is 80% humidity on an average day and my skin has definitely been reacting. For the record, it has gotten a lot better since we arrived more than a month ago.

Now, don’t get me wrong. If someone actually had something that would get rid of my acne, I would definitely listen to them. A few people who are good friends with Roberto have given some good advice about acne here and it was well welcomed. Then there are other people who I don’t even know, complete strangers giving me advice. They tell me what to do before they even know my name. This has happened in a wide variety of places, church, at a dinner party, in a public car, and the most annoying time so far was today in the hospital.

Since Roberto and I knew we were coming to the DR I have been trying to find a way for me  to practice nursing while he is here for school. Originally we were going to be here for a year, so I was going to become a registered nurse here. That usually takes a few months and requires a lot of paperwork, tests, and apostilles. A few weeks ago we found out that Roberto can make this his last semester here, so we can go back to the U.S. much earlier. Now I have really only been looking for volunteering opportunities because it is not worth it to go through the process of becoming registered here. So today we went to a hospital to talk about becoming a volunteer. Immediately after leaving the interview at the hospital a woman walks through one of the main doors, makes eye contact with me for two seconds, points to my face and says (in spanish) “Stop eating butter! No mayonnaise, no chocolate, or it will get worse!!” then she starts to move her hands in circular motions to her face “every night cut up a lemon in four pieces, put sugar on the pieces, and massage it into your face. Your acne will disappear!” I immediately nod my head, say thank you, and promptly leave. Roberto and I laughed about this all the way home. At first it was annoying or even offensive when people talked about my acne to me, but now it is just funny.

Lemon with sugar is not the only remedy I have been given here. I have been told aloe vera, sulfur soaps, limoncillos (different than lemon), and a Mary Kay acne kit will help me fix my acne. I am sure all of the women who gave this advice had good intentions. They want me to have beautiful skin too.

I know that this phenomenon is something related to a cultural difference, so I really shouldn’t care too much. People here are much more open to say what they think. A lot of things that would be classified as offensive in the U.S. are not offensive here. I have found this to be true in Spanish in general. For example, referring to someone as “moreno/morena” is rarely offensive here, more just a classification of color (Moreno means dark or black). I have seen people try to get the attention of a stranger only referring to them as “moreno/morena” where if you yelled out to get the attention of a stranger and yelled “Blacky!” it would definitely not be seen as friendly. Another example is the word gordito/gordita, it is affectionate. You call your wife or girlfriend gordita as a nickname and as a compliment. Calling your girlfriend “little fatty” in English might make her not want to talk to you for a few days.

A few times since we have been here people have asked if I am pregnant. Like the acne story, I was annoyed that people were asking. Didn’t they know it is rude to ask that? After thinking about it a couple of times I have come to the conclusion that here it is a lot more expected to have a baby right after you get married and women’s roles seem more defined than what I am used to. That by asking if you are pregnant, maybe it is really just them wanting you to be. In response to people asking if I am pregnant I now quickly answer “It might look like it, but no.” That catches some people off guard, so maybe I really don’t look pregnant? Or maybe I should stop wearing high-waisted skirts? Maybe the acne will never go away and people will keep asking if I am pregnant, but at least now I don’t care. I can definitely learn from the openness of this and other cultures and how it’s not worth it to be offended and be more open myself, but maybe not to strangers….

Columbus Day- From The Island Where He First Landed

So, a lot has happened since I last posted about a year and a half ago. One big change is that I got married in May. My husband and I moved to Santo Domingo so he can finish his undergraduate degree in law (it is an undergraduate degree here). While we are here we planning on seeing as much of the island as possible and have already been on a few trips to other cities.

We have been in Santo Domingo for a little more than three weeks now and it has been interesting to learn what the major tourist traps and attractions are in the capitol and on the island. Across the island as a whole, the most popular tourist activity is undoubtedly all-inclusive beach tourism. You know, the type you see on Groupon's travel section and the trips includes airfare and all the booze you can drink? This is not surprising to people. While interestingly enough, Santo Domingo has more of a historic touristic approach. Those historic site include; the oldest catholic church in the New World, the original fort built when Santo Domingo was colonized, and many things related to Christopher Columbus (Cristóbal Colón in Spanish).

I don't know if many people know the when Columbus “Discovered America,” it was really the Bahamas and the Northern part of Hispaniola (the island that the Dominican Republic and Haiti now inhabit). At that time a native population called the Tainos inhabited the land. Once Columbus had landed here, he left around 30 men on the island while he went back to Spain to tell of all the wealth and opportunity (aka, making Tainos work to find him gold). Fast forward a little more than ten years, Columbus dies, the Taino population is dying off thanks to European diseases/battles with the Spaniards, and now African slaves are being imported to the island when the Taino population runs too low to have sufficient forced workers.

It has bothered me a lot in the past that we celebrate Columbus Day and the more I have learned about Columbus, the less I like him and the stories and songs about “how courageous and smart he was to have found this already existing land that was already occupied.” a lot of Dominicans believe that the Virgin Mary led Columbus to this land to inhabit it and make it Spain's. This idealism fairly bothers me because some histories claim, coming from his diaries, that he had 10 year-old Taino mistresses, that he had killed and enslaved thousands of people, and more or less started colonialism in the West. Many Dominicans still look at Columbus as a hero and look at Spain as their roots, and according to a documentary I recently saw 70% of Dominicans have African genetics. Dominicans are proud of all things columbus, even boasting that they have his remains here.

This is where history gets tricky. Where was Columbus buried? Three countries claim to have him. Sevilla, Spain (where he had died), Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic (where they had sent his remains back to be buried in a cathedral here), and Havana, and Cuba (one of the stops on the way back to Spain from the DR upon deciding they didn't want his remains to be in a country ruled by anyone other than Spain.)

Faro Colón is the site in Santo Domingo where Columbus is supposed to be buried. Faro in Spanish means lighthouse, but Faro Colon doesn't look like a lighthouse to me at all and it isn't next to the ocean. It does however spotlight a huge cross into the clouds at night, which I guess makes it a lighthouse. Inside this huge structure is a small monument that contains a small black box that is supposed to have Columbus' remains and has “1492” and “Colón” engraved on it in many places.

This huge lighthouse cost $70 million dollars to build back in 1986, and was finished in 1992 for the 500th anniversary of Columbus' first voyage to the West. It is shaped as a huge cross. As the monument for Columbus only takes up a small space, a majority of the building is a museum that displays exhibits of the countries that donated money or supported the project. Surprisingly countries like China and Israel were among these countries (surprising only because of the religious histories of these countries).

Being a lighthouse, it uses huge amounts of electricity in a side of the city that does not always have constant electricity or generators (we had the lights out for a good 12 hours straight a few days ago, and having one or two outages a day is normal.) It's just interesting to see what our priorities are as humans :).

View of Faro Colon From The Front